Chaos spread across Continental Europe as it was cut off from the British mainland by a heavy fog for a fourth day in succession. Excitable Spaniards and Italians have been panic buying what remains of their stockpiles of Burberry and Hackett clothing. Instability could spread to other regions such as Germany if news filters out to the general public, who so far have been kept in ignorance about the situation, with a news blackout and archive footage being shown on state television of a sunny England.
United Nations Debate
Four lions and one gazelle are to discuss the merits of democracy.
Another Year of Silence.
God fails yet again to emerge from obscurity to give Christmas message. The pope is rumoured to be exasperated with the Deity’s continued absence from public life. The Queen is also thought to be losing patience and has called an angel to the Court Of Saint James to explain, as yet none has availed Her Majesty with their presence.
Show Business.
Laugh out loud comedian Johnny Drainpipe revealed today that he was disappointed not to receive a knighthood for the seventieth year in a row. “Impending knee surgery will make it next to impossible for Johnny to be knighted in the coming year.” Claimed an expert, “He can hardly kneel to say his prayers, before performing on Celebrity Pole Dance.”
Indigenous Finns to protest at new Lap Dancing Club.
Jinkie Toliver the Celebrity Chef claims the quick snack he invented which he has named “Scrambled Eggs”, was the inspiration for his new recipe book, Jinkie Toliver’s Meals in 30 Seconds.
