Cottage Industry On Brink

A traditional craft patronized by the criminal classes since the Victorian era is under threat in the small Norfolk town of Holt. “We used to manufacture thousands of these products a year, but now with new technology the thieves, robbers, burglars and fraudsters who were our original clients are no longer buying our felt collars.”  Said the owner Mrs Blinkinstop.

Phantom Moans

A ghost in Stuky-In-The-Hole is struggling to survive since he died. “No one prepares you for death and the council were around like a shot to take back my stair lift, which I still need. On the other side there is absolutely no help for the recently deceased and social services are woefully under funded, there are pirates here still on mouldy worm eaten crutches, and amputees from the Napoleonic War wheeling around on crude trays with wheels.” He told our reporter through a weegie board, “And the queues to speak on the weegie are horrific, and then you only get five minutes at most, and you have to spell each bloody word out, imagine if you have to pay a bill or claim a benefit.” No one was available for comment at the time of going to press.

Question Raised

The Rose and Crown pub quiz team lost the final to their arch rivals The Lamb on Saturday by one point. The question was about campanology, but a bemused team Captain Jimmy Paish said the word just didn’t ring any bells at the time.

And finally....

Retired Lorry driver Edward Studdard remains strangely unfulfilled after a life time of hard graft, “For fifty years I delivered coal to Newcastle, and whereas my mates seemed to gain some satisfaction from their work up in Middlesbrough and beyond, my run always left me feeling empty and a little disappointed.” He muses.