Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Pages from history. Victorian News

The incredible trial of the Honourable Horace Bunsen, the serial seducer continued in sensational fashion at the Old Bailey today. The prosecution admitted into evidence Bunsen’s most infamous device, a spinning wheel with over fifty ‘licking’ tongues attached to it, with which he tormented unsuspecting virgins into paroxysms of shame.  

Two ladies in the public gallery fainted at the sight of the infernal machine as prosecution barrister FitzWilliam FitzStJohn demonstrated its use, the tongues moistened in a small reservoir of water below the wheel then flapped lasciviously against a strategically placed sponge, illuminating for the whole horrified court the demonic effect of the invention.

Defence barrister Jeremy Hadwilly pleaded with the jury to understand the man, and not condemn the notorious philanderer to prison and thus ignominy. “This man is not a maniac, his only sin was to love too much, and therein lay his obsession, to pleasure as many unfortunate young women of the lower orders as possible.”

“What man but a raving lunatic would have ivory dentures affixed to his anus?” Countered FitzWilliam FitzStJohn.

The case continues.

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