Foxes met in Birmingham to discuss the increase in the human population, as the number of humans ‘culled’ in hunting accidents hit an all time low.
Messages in bottles are now a thing of the past a report claims. “Old sailors were amongst our best customers. They were always using bottles to send messages when they were castaways, and then of course when they retired they made model ships and, put them in bottles. We are an industry in crisis.” Concluded Kelvin Flowers, British Bottlers Association spokesman, he added, “New technology is to blame, mobile phones and package holidays to desert islands have hit us hardest.” One old castaway Tom Peel however welcomed the news, “I’d been waiting for an answer to my SOS messages in bottles for twenty years without luck. Meanwhile the whole island changed around me what with the development of condominiums and so on, until I was able to send a message from a cyber café. Now I’m back at home in Bristol, my ordeal is over! No thanks to bottles.”
Lady Sophia Stucky, the heiress, has been disowned publicly by her father Lord Stucky for allowing a tradesman to take her mantelpiece. “It has long been tradition that the Stucky daughters are married with their mantelpieces intact, this has brought unspeakable disgrace upon the family.” He said. Lady Sophia claimed that most girls lost their mantelpieces at age sixteen these days, and no one was scandalised.
Life will never be the same again for Kevin Bowen, a resident of Deane Street in Michael Haven after his experience last Saturday night. On leaving his local pub at around one in the morning, he claims to have looked up and seen what could possibly be millions of stars and the mind boggling idea of infinity struck him so hard that he almost fell over. Workmates welcomed him back on Monday to his Canvas Comforts factory in Dripton-on-the-Dale as a hero and were keen to ask him questions about his revelations. The BBC is set to make a drama documentary about Mr Bowen. But killjoy scientists and astronomers claimed last night to have known about these phenomena for years.
Atheists could be hard hit this Christmas, with new banning orders coming into force which could see them barred from midnight Carol services and Christmas dinner. Stockings are also likely to be confiscated until they learn to believe. It could be a hard holiday for leading God basher Dr Richard Dawkings who is said to look forward to his season of good cheer. Interviewed outside Hamleys where he had been with his parents to give them ideas for this year's jumbo gift fest. “I can’t believe this! God has got it so so wrong yet again! As if we needed more proof. And, hello! I’m the one to suffer. It’s just so not fair!” He said and then had a tantrum.
Born again Christian Rita Ryder of North Yorkshire who believes that God created the world only six thousand years ago has been banned from using petrol and other fossil fuels. “It has left me high and dry.” She told reporters, “How am I going to do the school run? How am I going to heat the house?” But authorities who see this as a test case are unlikely to compromise. “How can she possibly take advantage of these precious resources which according to her cannot exist?” Commented Doug Strange the Enforcement officer responsible for the case.
Messages in bottles are now a thing of the past a report claims. “Old sailors were amongst our best customers. They were always using bottles to send messages when they were castaways, and then of course when they retired they made model ships and, put them in bottles. We are an industry in crisis.” Concluded Kelvin Flowers, British Bottlers Association spokesman, he added, “New technology is to blame, mobile phones and package holidays to desert islands have hit us hardest.” One old castaway Tom Peel however welcomed the news, “I’d been waiting for an answer to my SOS messages in bottles for twenty years without luck. Meanwhile the whole island changed around me what with the development of condominiums and so on, until I was able to send a message from a cyber café. Now I’m back at home in Bristol, my ordeal is over! No thanks to bottles.”
Lady Sophia Stucky, the heiress, has been disowned publicly by her father Lord Stucky for allowing a tradesman to take her mantelpiece. “It has long been tradition that the Stucky daughters are married with their mantelpieces intact, this has brought unspeakable disgrace upon the family.” He said. Lady Sophia claimed that most girls lost their mantelpieces at age sixteen these days, and no one was scandalised.
Life will never be the same again for Kevin Bowen, a resident of Deane Street in Michael Haven after his experience last Saturday night. On leaving his local pub at around one in the morning, he claims to have looked up and seen what could possibly be millions of stars and the mind boggling idea of infinity struck him so hard that he almost fell over. Workmates welcomed him back on Monday to his Canvas Comforts factory in Dripton-on-the-Dale as a hero and were keen to ask him questions about his revelations. The BBC is set to make a drama documentary about Mr Bowen. But killjoy scientists and astronomers claimed last night to have known about these phenomena for years.
Atheists could be hard hit this Christmas, with new banning orders coming into force which could see them barred from midnight Carol services and Christmas dinner. Stockings are also likely to be confiscated until they learn to believe. It could be a hard holiday for leading God basher Dr Richard Dawkings who is said to look forward to his season of good cheer. Interviewed outside Hamleys where he had been with his parents to give them ideas for this year's jumbo gift fest. “I can’t believe this! God has got it so so wrong yet again! As if we needed more proof. And, hello! I’m the one to suffer. It’s just so not fair!” He said and then had a tantrum.
Born again Christian Rita Ryder of North Yorkshire who believes that God created the world only six thousand years ago has been banned from using petrol and other fossil fuels. “It has left me high and dry.” She told reporters, “How am I going to do the school run? How am I going to heat the house?” But authorities who see this as a test case are unlikely to compromise. “How can she possibly take advantage of these precious resources which according to her cannot exist?” Commented Doug Strange the Enforcement officer responsible for the case.
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