Wednesday, December 28, 2011

London Calling Christmas Extra

Five people required emergency microsurgery after a Christmas finger food party went horribly wrong. “I would urge the public to take particular care especially at Christmas and perhaps avoid finger food mixed with alcohol.” Advised Professor Harman Tyne, having sewn back on two forefingers, two index fingers and a lady’s thumb.

He who laughs longest laughs….opps sorry about that we’re shut.

The sales frenzy began at six o’clock on Boxing Day morning as a mob of nine or ten, or perhaps even eleven, according to police estimates, flooded through  the doors of Lurners Department Store in Holt. One maddened shopper said he didn’t care what he bought as long as it was half price. The vicar’s wife who wished to remain anonymous wanted a new handbag, but instead was elbowed in the face by Les Grout as he grabbed a handful of ladies underwear. Local shoplifters Ernie Spatts and his wife Enid stayed away saying sales made their job hardly worth the bother, but that they vowed to be back in the New Year.

St Mary´s Church in Weybourne has made an unusual concession to the weekender atheists in its congregation by adding to its Nativity scene a small figure dressed in a corduroy suit. It is standing by the crib and gesticulating at the Baby Jesus, and will remain there until the 28th of December, when it is is thought everyone will go back to London.

What next for Hemly village’s Knitting Circle now that it is complete?

The Tudor Tearoom in Holt is to be bought by arch rival James Stuart, it was announced to day. In what is being claimed will be a disaster for the customers. "This Stuart chap just isn´t my cup of tea, I´m sure I saw him popping into see the Catholic Priest with some cakes the other day." Said habitual client Mrs Lewd.



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