Celebrities can remain anonymous, thanks to new super size sunglasses.
Crisis hits city centre muggers. “Before we’d make fifty quid an hour now we’re lucky to get five.” Complains Ron Rearways, “We would ask the public to think carefully before fighting us off in these difficult times.” He added.
Lilo Sales buoyant despite inflation.
Government plans cap on schoolboys.
Honest people warned to avoid low lying regions such as East Anglia.
Pontiff claims Pope does not sell ice-creams after thousands crowd around Pope mobile demanding refreshments.
Have a go Hero Henry Jinson turned down a golden opportunity to save another life in the very same lake where he rescued a child exactly a year ago, “I was with my wife and it was our anniversary, we could see the man waving and screaming, but she gave me one of them looks of her’s which is like just so don’t go there.”
“He‘s very selfish sometimes, I would have killed him if he would have ruined our special day again.” Said Mrs Jinson. Police named the dead man as Martin Stoat a well known suicide from Droitwich.
Government plans to control the migration of Swallows, Swifts and House Martins. “There were simply too many of these foreign birds flocking into the country under the last government. We need controls to save our native species. They take advantage of the sunshine and when things get a bit chilly off they go to Spain or somewhere hot.”
A Swallow spokesperson said the economy would be adversely hit if their numbers were lowered.
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