Red faced bank robber Ray Bentley had to wait for the council to unclamp his getaway car outside Barclays on Friday morning. “It’s ridiculous the parking restrictions in the High Street these days, do they seriously expect me to get the Park and Ride Bus, like some muppet of a shoplifter?” The council claims the zoning has been in effect for over six months now.
Constable Spencer Cahill has been given a commendation after foiling an attempted escape at Kingly’s Pet shop in Satterfield Road. “We had the pets under surveillance for over a year; the suspects include a group of four Andorran rabbits and two particularly nasty Columbian guinea pigs. It was thorough police work and excellent intelligence which helped us resolve this case.” It was claimed late last night that a canary with its head covered by a blanket had been taken into protective custody by armed police officers.
A man was found wandering around the town centre last night. Luckily his progress was monitored on closed circuit TV as he repeatedly failed to find his way. He was first seen sitting on a bench and consulting the town plan in the square. Cameras then recorded him walking towards the Blair Road light industrial estate, from which he returned twenty minutes later. He then went up Ford Street and spent ten minutes in Appleford Avenue where he stood outside the Clarence Hotel. He attempted to knock on the hotel’s door, but luckily police were on hand and finally arrested him at the Bingley Road bus stop.
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