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Kevin Pratt, a life long Chelsea supporter, was “Gob smacked” on Friday having been sacked from his position at direct mail marketing company, Direction Data Mail Corporation. “I've been stuffing envelopes, doing deliveries and all the other dirty work around here for over ten years now, when suddenly news comes down from on high that I’m wanted by the Vice President of Marketing and Client Relations - that’s Tracy Barker to you and me.” Tracy who once appeared in a documentary on single mothers with high pressure careers had something to tell Kevin. “It was a brief meeting,” said a clearly bemused Kevin, “She told me advertising was all about sex, and I just didn’t have it, sex that is. We’ll see what Peter has to say about this when he gets back from Spain,” snorted Kevin, referring to Peter Dew the owner of the successful company. “I was here before her and I’ll be here a long time after her too.” He confided to our reporter.

When we rang Ms Barker we were told she was unavailable for comment. An anonymous source within the company, however, has made a shocking claim that Tracy’s demands on junior members of the team are often inappropriate. “I knew trouble was starting when she gave me a lift home and she was playing one of those CDs of one hundred top opera moments. She kept flicking her hair around and missing the gear stick and grabbing my knee. Her skirt was riding up her legs and she was talking about me having to assert myself more. Luckily her ex and father of her child, (the President of Brands City & Corporate Meat Caterers, Douglas Shelly) rang and wanted an urgent half hour conference with her, so she dumped me at the bus stop.”

Indeed all ended happily for Terry when a tanned and relaxed Peter Dew fresh from his golf trip in Malaga immediately had Terry reinstated, saying the whole thing was nothing more than a harmless joke.

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Top advertising executive Tracy Barker celebrated twenty years of success with Direction Data Mail Corporation last night with an Oscar style ceremony at the Sheldon Park Hotel. The evening was hosted by her brother Giles, an actor from Godalaming in Surrey. The Tracys, small statuettes specially crafted to resemble the Oscars were on display in the lobby area for all to see at the champagne reception, before the festivities began in the conference suite.

The awards included Best Female Support which went to Shelly Barker, Tracy’s mother. The Tracy for Best Director went to her boss Peter Dew. Tracy’s award for Best Male Lead went to colleague Simon Trumps, the Tulip Telecom account manager. The Top Creative award was won by Chris Lichen for his outstanding creative input on the Parckard Oscillator account. There were no surprises when Best Male Support went to Giles Barker.

Tracy could not hold back the tears when she was unexpectedly nominated and then, in a fairytale ending won the Lead Female award. She was given this very special Tracy by Peter Dew. Peter’s speech was fulsome in its praise of her, which she modestly tried to deflect saying these awards weren’t about her, but for all the people working so hard behind the scenes doing the unglamourous jobs.

Perhaps the most emotional and shocking moment in the evening was when Tracy herself presented the Lifetime Achievement Award. All the experts had confidently predicted it would go to her father. But in an amazing and controversial decision this prize of prizes went to her estranged partner, and father of her child, Douglas Shelly. The auditorium exploded at the announcement. A pale and visibly shaken Mr Shelly was cheered as he sat at his table in disbelief. "It didn't sink in until she repeated it and then Chris Lichen took me by the arm and escorted me up to the stage."

Said the clearly overwhelmed Douglas Shelly.

Mr Barker was rumoured to be bitterly disappointed at the outcome, cancelled his speech and left with his wife, refusing to speak to reporters.